Loving You

Loving you is thinking of one thousand scenarios in my head every time you cross my mind. Every second, every moment. The image of you ingrained into every passing and fleeting thought, a burned image into my memories. How could they understand how I feel about you until they taste the nostalgia on my lips, of old times and old memories, of us together, as I swallow the thoughts of missing you. How could they possibly know how I feel about you until they hear the distant calling of memories that haven’t happened yet, that haven’t opened their eyes or cried out their first cry, born into their surrounding reality.

Loving you is one thousand scenarios. Of traveling in and out of daydreams, of saying yeah when you didn’t hear someone talking, of thinking and thinking. Of imagining and creating and producing our story that hasn’t happened yet, with fragments of the one that has.

Of long kisses turning into short kisses because we see each other every day now. No more long goodbyes and quiet tears in the car because I have to leave you. Of “I’ll see you tonight” as we head to work.

Of disagreements and rolled eyes and shaking of heads, of seeing that other side come out, and loving it just as much. Looking it straight in the eye and coaxing it out, letting you know I love it, too.

Of frustration and bills and what next, figuring life out, of behind the shoulder hugs as I kiss your neck, and tell you we’re in this together.

Of random dances in the kitchen because why not, and watching you cook burgers when we want a chill night in.

Of meeting new friends together and by ourselves, a new city, a new life. A “Hey, I’m going out, I’ll see you later” and the last part holds a new bond to our lips because we know it’s finally true.

Of sitting in the middle of the floor late at night in our first place, eating cereal just because I asked you to, of you telling me I’m ridiculous and that I’m weird, but you still do it anyway.

Of you finally getting annoyed that I wake you up before your alarm, because it’s a work day, and I finally stop because I’m tired too, and it’s a work day for me too.

Of sixteen snoozing alarms on your side and a “babe, turn off your ALARM” on my side because you’re deaf to the world and probably me too.

Of cuddling nights and then to our own prospective sides, the covers pulled over and the AC on. Compromises.

Of getting used to the normal because it will never go away. Never dance off into the sunset, a promising lottery ticket that comes up short. Of getting used to a normal like a loyal dog, that sits and stays til the very end.

Of years of learning and knowing one another. Of subtle cues and knowledge birthed from proximity. Of understanding. Of partnership. Of no longer being each other’s halves, but rather, a whole.

Of unbroken promises that transform into years of doing, and words on this page that transform into reality.

Of trusting in us and trusting in the future, of taking risks and running alongside the present—strapping our seatbelts on and enjoying the ride. Letting it take us Wherever, while we close our eyes and pull the trigger. Knowing it was never loaded, it was never dangerous, yet the thrill had always been there.

Loving you.

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